The day before Easter, I posted this on my Facebook page:
"I’m regularly reminded through gospel conversations with my daughter that my feeble explanations of salvation, while necessary, are not what will save her. Yes, they will give her a foundation of understanding, but ultimately it is God who provides salvation and a true understanding and belief.
I can go Creation to Christ. I can explain the symbolism of sacrifices and how Jesus ties into that. I can explain sin and holiness. I can speak all of that in words that she understands. But then I tell her that salvation comes by faith and trust in Jesus she asks, “But what does that MEAN?” … and honestly I’m always at a loss for elementary-age words that will allow her to understand, and I get a little frustrated with myself for not being able to clearly answer her.
But tonight I wonder if maybe faith and trust is not something that I can give a simple explanation to because it’s something that GOD has to GIVE to her.
Even my own salvation… I understood the facts. I believed (and that’s as far as my explanations with her seem to go: “you have to believe, etc. etc.”). But I had no understanding of faith until one morning when God GAVE it to me. The understanding AND the faith, I mean.
So, mamas, maybe you’re like me and you’re feeling frustrated with not being able to explain parts of the gospel well to your little one. But let my reminder be yours: God gives the faith to truly believe. What’s important is that your kids understand who Christ is and what he did and why he did it. Maybe articulating what it means to have faith is a secondary issue… maybe?… because ultimately that’s something that God takes care of himself."
Kids and salvation seems like such a difficult thing for parents to wrestle with. We want to see them saved. We want them to join the family of God at an early age. And maybe because of that some of us are tempted to take every declaration of belief or every statement of desire to go to heaven as absolute proof of salvation in the lives of our little ones. But I think there's an important balance in how we navigate gospel conversations. And that's why very early on in the lives of our kids we were determined to be cautious. We even made some decisions that affect that way we handle these gospel conversations with our kids:
1. We will not put pressure on our kids to understand and accept the gospel. Mainly this boils down to issuing an "invitation" after every conversation. An invitation for an adult with full cognitive abilities is one thing. But something as simple as, "Do you want to trust in Jesus?" can feel like a lot of pressure to a child's underdeveloped mind, and we don't want them to think they need to answer in the affirmative so that they can make mom and dad happy. There will never be any pressure, real or perceived. There will simply be conversations and answers whenever they ask questions.
2. We will not scare them into Heaven. What I mean is, we refuse to use scare tactics to pressure them into a decision. Yes, I always teach that sin separates us from God. But I don't dwell on describing what Hell will be like, and honestly at this point in Evangeline's life (Daniel is too young to understand any of this), I've never described Hell at all to her. It's enough for her to know that there's a place where people will spend eternity separated from God. She doesn't need the nightmare-inducing extras.
3. We will not rush into celebrating a supposed salvation at the very first utterance of "I believe" or "I want to live with God," especially at such an early age. I'm not saying that God can't save a young child, but when you're talking to someone whose emotions completely overwhelm their logical senses, we feel that it's best to err on the side of caution. Our daughter has said several times, "I believe", but "I believe" is a shallow statement when it comes to salvation. "I believe, because" is what we're waiting to hear. My child's salvation is too important for me to hear her say, "I believe in Jesus!" and then immediately run straight to the river to baptize her.
Each and every time Evangeline comes to me with something that could be viewed as a salvation statement, I always always repeat the gospel to her. Just this morning she came to me and said, "Mom, you know how sometimes I'm mean to Daniel and sometimes I don't do what you want me to do? I want to do good things so that I can live with God." and I immediately sat down on the floor next to her and told her, "Well, I'm glad that you want to do good things, but doing good things isn't what lets us live with God (cue gospel conversation)." And the very next thing she said was, "Ok. Can you come watch a movie with me?" And we moved on with our day.
I didn't force her. I didn't say, "Now, wait a minute, don't you want to trust in Jesus?" I didn't make her feel guilty for wanting to move on from the conversation. I didn't take her statement about wanting to live with God as a proof of salvation.
But I'm afraid that a lot of parents or maybe even some children's Sunday school teachers do those very things, and we end up celebrating something that is actually nonexistent in our children's lives! Again, I'm not saying that God can't save a child at a very young age. I'm just regularly seeing the importance of being careful with how we handle the topic of salvation with my own young children.
One of my biggest fears concerning my children is that they will die without salvation. Second to it is that I will inadvertently give them a false sense of hope in a salvation that they don't actually have... and then they will still die without salvation.
I know there are a lot of people who say their kids got saved at four or five years old... and I don't want to discount the work of the Holy Spirit, but simply hearing a young kid say "I believe in Jesus", or assuming that their emotional response to sin or the death of Jesus means that they have accepted Christ... that's not enough for me. I've seen those things happen with E. But I'm waiting for more. I have no clue what "more" looks like in the life of a young child, but I'm pretty sure it's not a shallow confession of faith followed up with, "Ok, let's go play now!"
I pray that God saves my children at an early age. I also pray that He will confirm it in my own heart so that even if they don't have the words to adequately explain, I will still know that they are speaking truth about their salvation.