About a year ago we landed in the States with our little six month old, African born and raised, baby girl. Just a couple of days after we landed we took E to see the pediatrician for her six month check up and immunizations. While we were in the waiting room, Nicholas stepped out to the truck for some reason, and a few seconds later one of the nurses called me to go back and look at some paperwork. As I stood up and turned to arrange E's diaper bag while juggling her on my hip, I heard this elderly woman ask, "Can I hold her for you?" I breathed a sigh of relief and as I was turning around said, "Sure! Thank you!" and handed E out to this woman who was now starring at me with this wide-eyed confused expression.
That's when I noticed a younger woman attempting to sign in at the desk (also juggling a baby on her hip). They were obviously together, and the elderly woman had been asking her daughter if she could hold her granddaughter. So, I'm sure my face turned every shade of red, but as I retracted E back towards myself and mumbled an apology, the woman suddenly smiled and said, "No, give her here. I'll hold her for you!" I gave her a chance to change her mind, but she insisted, so I handed E over and went back to talk with the nurse.
A few minutes later I returned to the waiting room, saw Nicholas sitting there, took E back from this sweet old lady, and went to sit down. The other two women had these looks of amusement on their faces, and it wasn't until after we left the pediatrician's that we figured out why. Not only had I assumed that this complete stranger had been asking to hold my baby (and had been ready to hand her over), but Nicholas had returned to the waiting room shortly after I left, and sat down without going to get his own child.
Who does that?
Well, we do. Ha.
Parenting in Africa can be so different than parenting in America. And we've never known anything different. Here, it's very common for a busy mom to pass her baby off to an elderly woman while she goes about her business. And as for the dad... well, "Hell hath no fury like a grandmother who's had a baby taken from her".
We were able to laugh at the situation pretty quickly, but at the time we were really hoping that those nice women weren't considering calling CPA on us. Because I mean, these days in America you never know. I tell people that in America if a stranger came up to me in the grocery store and asked to hold E, I would never let them do that. But here, strangers in the market are constantly asking to hold her, and we hand her over, no problem! The two cultures are so different, and we're trying to navigate parenting in both.
"Don't talk to strangers" versus "Greet everyone".
"Don't get too excited in church" versus "Go and dance if you want to".
"Prepare to be ignored" versus "Prepare to always have people stare at you".
The list could go on and on, but it's already been... interesting... trying to parent in two cultures.
Our little girl is what is known as a "third culture kid", or TCK. There's a great article HERE on TCKs that tells you about them and how you can relate to them better. One of our prayers is that more church members in the States will make an effort to get to know the TCKs in their lives and connect with them. In about seventeen years we'll likely be sending our TCK back to the States for university, and we pray that someone will take the time to help her adjust to life in America without trying to take away her childhood roots.
We already know that our children will more than likely be culturally confused, but we'll do our best to raise them knowing the ways of America and the ways of the country they grow up in. In the meantime, please excuse us if you see us in the States and we do things with E a little... differently. We're trying :-)